There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
