You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i will never coherently bang her
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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