I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
