the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
