honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
