i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
