then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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