tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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