dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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