Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
