YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
