my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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