Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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