i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
