That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
