Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
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we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
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You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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