Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
