direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
