I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
