someone threw a dead crab at me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you inspire me to be a worse person
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
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