He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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