I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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