Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Its about making memories worth repressing
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
