glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
