I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
