wrigley field is MILF paradise
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
