when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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