I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
