She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize