Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
