I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
