The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
