fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.