My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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