I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
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He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
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I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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