possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.