Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
bring money and cleavage
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
