he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.