Jerry, you need to find god
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green