I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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