your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
