Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
