One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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