dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
