I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
