Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
