I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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