He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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