I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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