Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize