i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
