Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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