i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
