Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
