Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
