I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
