i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
