I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
