Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
