mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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