ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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