Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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