chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
