First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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