i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
