Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
