I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
