It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
