Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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