I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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