There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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