my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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