First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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