So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
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I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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