Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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