Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
