Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
